A Little Reality

When I started this blog I promised myself that I wouldn't let it get negative. In other words, that I wouldn't let it become a place for me to whine and complain and be overly dramatic about everything. So I write some on here about how great and beautiful life is and all that kinda stuff. And I mean every word of it. But there are still times (like tonight) that I just get to feeling really scared about the future and what's going to happen with everything, and very alone.

I know I'm not the only person that ever feels like this, and I don't mean this to be a negative post. But it's the way I'm feeling right now, and maybe a little realism here and there isn't a bad thing.

However you want to look at it I guess the good news is that without down, there would be no up.

"I'll Believe in Anything"

There are some songs that I tend to listen to on repeat when I'm alone, just because I like them so much and I'm afraid if someone else didn't like them it would just sorta ruin the listening mood for me. Usually there's one aspect of the song that I really like, some set of lyrics or cool breakdown. Of all these, "I'll Believe in Anything" by Wolf Parade is quite possibly my favorite. I would encourage you to check out the video. I really love these lyrics:


"And I could take another hit for you
And I could take away the trips from you
And I could take away the salt from your eyes
Take away skin and salt in you
And I could give you my apologies
By handing over my neologies
And I could take away your shaky knees
And I could give you all the olive trees
And look at the trees
Look at my face
Look at a place far away from here"

Dunzo

One year at IU. Check.

It's been interesting. There will be a lot of time for reflection later. But right now, it's a beautiful day and I'm happy.

Second wind...hopefully

I've gotta say, as pissed as I am that I've been working on my paper since 3 yesterday afternoon with only a break for a couple hours...I just can't help to love all-nighters in some sick way. I've been pulling them for so long that they make me feel sorta nostalgic. And any chance to see the sun rise (or at least the sky brighten in today's case) can't be that bad.

Doing stuff

Sometimes I get really worried that as much as I talk about wanting to do a bunch of cool stuff, when it comes down to it I just sit around and do nothing instead. Wellll let me tell ya, not this weekend. Friday I saw Adventureland, played frisbee, and played four square. Saturday I rocked out on Kirkwood by day and got a little partying done by night. And to top it all off, it was all with some of my closest friends. I guess none of that seems really unbelievably exciting typing it all here, but I really enjoyed it and had a great weekend. Perhaps this is just to say (I think that's the first time I've actually said that on this blog) that we don't always have to do something huge and crazy to be happy (although I'm by no means saying we never do), and I think I could benefit from looking at and focusing on some of the smaller things in life sometimes than the colossal ones. Because the truth is that when the small parts of your day are good, it's a lot easier for your entire day to be good, and vise versa. And sometimes you just have to walk outside and feel the sunlight and believe that everything is going to be alright, and know that life really is full of beauty, even if it does get hidden behind the clouds sometimes.

Dig List

I've noticed that this blog seems to have taken a pretty serious tone since its inception. So I thought I'd lighten things up a little and talk about some things that I'm digging lately. I'm hoping that this will become a trend, so let's just call this my first official Dig List:

1. Role Models - Just watched this movie a few days ago, and it had me laughing pretty hard through most of it. Any movie that can do this is a winner in my book
2. California - The state is currently in the midst of a big push to legalize marijuana as part of the solution to its financial crisis. Legislation has been introduced, and the bill that would legalize weed is currently in the petition phase. If enough signatures are acquired, California residents could be voting on the bill in the not too distant future. Reports vary, but everybody seems to agree that a lot of money (billions) could be made by selling and taxing weed. Consider how many more billions state and federal agencies could save if they didn't have to worry about enforcing marijuana laws, and prosecuting and jailing those who break them. Now consider how many more billions could be generated through a new kind of marijuana-tourism (head shops, marijuana cafes, etc.) in California. Listen, I don't care if you smoke or not, but I feel like this is a pretty tough argument to beat. Money is a huge issue right now, and I read recently that 6 out of 10 people on the West coast favor some sort of legalization. I think that if something like this is passed in California, it will create a great deal of momentum for other states to slowly begin falling in line, and hopefully encourage the federal government to do so eventually. I'm not trying to start a debate here, but I honestly believe that proper, more realistic and honest education about marijuana coupled with fair taxation could be extremely beneficial - both to our country in a financial sense, as well as to current and future smokers. If you're interested in learning more, I suggest you start here: http://www.norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=7814
   
3. President Obama - He just signed a bill lifting the ban of federal funding on stem cell research. With federal money finally going into this extremely important field of study, I think we can expect to start seeing some great and exciting things happening in the medical field in the next few years.
   
4. Muziic - I just found this program tonight, and I'm already loving it. The program opens on your desktop, and connects directly to youtube's server. This allows you to search for and play any song or video on youtube without ever even opening the actual website. Basically, this is like having every song or video you ever wanted on your itunes, and it's pretty awesome. I recommend you check it out, becuase I think it's definitely going to catch on. http://www.muziic.com/
   

Changin'

There is a lot I could say to preface this, but let's just get to the point: I'm tired of feeling like I'm not in control of my life. Yes, there are some things that I can't control that cause me some pain and worry. But that's just it...I can't control them. All I can do is hope that they'll work out, and try to make some changes that might make it easier for that to happen. But in the meantime, I refuse to just sit back and wait and bother myself with things that other people may not care about at all. So I'm taking control starting now. I'm going to start doing all my homework, going to all my classes, and doing my best to do the right thing for myself, and my friends when they work into the equation. No more putting things off endlessly when I could just as easily complete them in five minutes and be done, because those things just end up piling up and causing me unnecessary stress.

I've messed up enough already to be honest...academically, legally, personally. And I don't want to anymore. So it's time to start doing things the right way, and hope that some of the things I have messed up can be salvaged.

I'm not gonna lie, it's gonna be tough to exact this sort of change when nothing else is really changing. Which I guess just means that what needs to change is me, and my attitude.

I'm getting my shit together and turning it around. I'm ready to feel like my life is on track again.